Beware the Baby Eaters!

The following is a breaking story for all children 3 years and younger!!!

Beware the Baby Eaters! 

For all you babies out there, be on your guard for the baby eaters! They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Although, typically they are women over the age of 20. But don't be fooled! Men have been known to be baby eaters too!

 Baby eaters are usually easy to spot because they get right in your face until you go cross-eyed! There are a few who are more mindful of personal space. These baby eaters are all bark and no bite. ( you don't have to be as cautious with these individuals). Should you encounter a respectful baby eater, just smile and coo and just be happy! They LOVE that!! After a few minutes you'll both go on your way unscathed.

A real baby eater approaches with a big smile and usually a coo or some sort of exclamation. 

For example: "Oooh!" or a smacking of folded in lips. ( a sure sign of a baby eater)

Once the exclamation has been made, they POUNCE!!!

If you're sitting, the feet are the first thing they grab! This insures that the victim won't be able to make an escape. The best thing to do in these situations is to  look at your mommy or daddy pleadingly with tears pooling in your eyes. Generally, this will cause the parent to swoop in and rescue you.

Should this not work for some reason, the baby eater will proceed to the next level:

comments such as:

"Oh my God! You're so cute! I could just gobble you up!"

"What a cutie pie! I could just eat those chubby cheeks!"

 "You're so delicious! Mmmmmm!!! Yum! I want to chew on those sweet cheeks!"

Then there's hand grabbing, raspberry blowing on your cheeks, and leg squeezing. 

There is only one thing left for a baby to do if they want to be saved. CRY!!!! 

Full on crocodile tears and hearty sobs are most definitely enough to stop any baby eater in their tracks! 

Keep this things in mind, and you'll never have to worry! 

This has been a special news update